How ‘Ho’s are Made…
How ‘Ho’s are Made is the 10th chapter of my book: Truth Talk: The Last Dating Advice You’ll Ever Need. The title was inspired by a real question asked by one of my high-school seniors, during Sex Ed. What follows is an accurate account of that conversation, along with added commentary that explains the title.
How ‘Ho’s are Made
The words whore and prostitute are often used interchangeably. However, while some people see no difference, many people have come to think of the difference between the two as this: prostitutes get paid for what they do, while whores do not. Today, whores are often referred to as ‘ho’s in some cultures, and the debate is ongoing as to whether they are the same as prostitutes, or, if one is worse than the other. Regardless of what you call them, it is clear that in most of the world, women who experience multiple sex partners (or even one partner outside of marriage) are often negatively labeled; even in these modern times.
To help illustrate how whores are made, I will use the true story of a conversation that took place between a former high school student of mine and me, and the reaction received when I shared this conversation with every other class that followed.
After listening to a lecture spanning several weeks that covered the contents of this book, one of my male students approached me after class with a personal question. He reminded me of my statement that I could only give information about most people; that there are always exceptions to the rule, and wondered whether his girlfriend was an example of an exception to the rule.
He stated that he was truly in love with his girlfriend, and felt that she was “the one” for him, but despite his efforts, he could see that she did not feel the same about him, even though they have sex regularly. In fact, he could feel her “pulling away” from him; becoming more distant, rather than closer, or more attached.
Yet, according to what I had shared with the class, having sex stimulates the production of the love hormone oxytocin, which, when mixed with her estrogen, should cause his girlfriend to draw closer and want him more. “If this is true, then why isn’t it happening with my girlfriend?” he wondered.
“How old are you?” I asked. “Eighteen,” he replied. “How old is your girlfriend?” I asked. “Nineteen,” he answered. “Would you happen to know how old she was when she lost her virginity?” I asked. “She was eighteen,” he said.
“Would you happen to know how many sex partners she has had since she became sexually active for the first time?” I asked. “Six, including me,” he replied. “So your girlfriend lost her virginity at age 18, and within one year she has had six sex partners, including you,” I wanted to confirm? “Yes,” he replied confidently.
“No,” I began to answer the original question, “I would not consider your girlfriend to be an exception to the rule. Of course, I don’t know your girlfriend personally, but I do understand females well enough to have a pretty good idea of what is happening with her.
Unlike you who now knows after taking my class, that humans are not biological adults when they turn 18, your girlfriend thought that she had “saved herself” until she became an adult, to have sex for the first time. More than likely, this was a very big deal to her for more reasons than one; including the probability that she was raised by a single mother with no father or father figure around.”
“Yes,” he interjected, “she was raised by just her mom.” “No doubt,” I continued, “she really liked the guy she gave herself to; maybe even thought she was in love with him, and believed that he cared as much about her, as she cared about him.” “Yes,” he agreed, “that’s what he told her,” he replied as he nodded his head slowly towards the floor.
“Okay,” I continued, so let me tell you what most likely happened with her. She’s a smart girl, and she was determined not to lose her virginity at 14, 15, or 16. She stood back and “watched” her friends have their experiences. She listened to their tales of excitement and woe. She saw them getting pregnant and getting their hearts broken, and determined that these things would not happen to her. No, she would wait for the right time and the right guy.
She would wait until she became an adult, and would only be with someone she cared about or loved, and someone who cared about her. When she thought she’d found him, she shared her body with him. But after he had his fill of her, he was ready to move on; and he did, leaving her heartbroken. Now she’s wondering what went wrong, what did she do wrong, or what was wrong with her, that he would walk away? A short time later, here comes guy number two.
Full of hope, she gives herself to guy number two, who quickly does the same thing as guy number one. Now here comes guy number three. She’s a bit apprehensive because she has already been stung twice. But guy number three tells her that he is not like the other two. She believes him. Then guy number three does the same as the other two. Along comes guy number four.
By now, it’s more difficult for guy number four to get to her the way he wants to, because of her previous experiences. But he is persistent, and he eventually convinces her that he is not at all like the others. No, he is serious about her and plans to stick around. She gives herself to guy number four, and just like the others, guy number four leaves her brokenhearted.
When guy number five comes around, she is pretty sure that he will be just like the others, after all four times in a row? It can’t be her, so it must be them. They must all be the same; they lie to you, have sex with you and then want nothing to do you with you. Doubtful, she gives guy number five a chance to prove that he is what he claims to be: different, and very serious about her.
But of course, guy number five does the same as every other. Now you come along. Is there any wonder that she is doubtful and reserved?” “I thought you said you didn’t know my girlfriend personally. How could you tell her story like that?” “As I said earlier, I know females. Not only am I one myself, but I have done years of formal research on the effects of oxytocin on males and females, some of which I have now shared with you.”
There’s still hope…
“The good news is that with time and consistency, you can still win her heart, because that is the nature of the female. At the moment, the hormones that were produced each time her heart was broken, still remain high, and are competing with the oxytocin that you stimulate.
Cortisol, the stress hormone has an inverse relationship with oxytocin. When cortisol is high, oxytocin is low. As you continue to be good to her; make her happy; eventually, the stress and anxiety she feels about you being like the others, will dissipate, and the oxytocin will increase, take over, and dominate her feelings about you in a more loving way.
Remember, her oxytocin levels cannot rise high enough to change how she feels, until her cortisol has decreased enough and remains that way. The higher her oxytocin, the lower her cortisol. In the meantime, you will just have to be patient with her. If she’s truly “the one,” for you, then patience will be a relatively easy task.”
Each time I shared this true account with a new class of students, I got the same reaction at the point where it was revealed that the girlfriend had six sexual partners within one year. Both males and females blurted out words like “ho!” or, “nasty!” or “slut!” But by the end of the story, their eyes were beginning to open, and they were able to see that all this young woman wanted was to be loved. What she got, was male after male who was only interested in “having fun.” I would love to tell you that men grow out of this behavior with age. Unfortunately, they don’t.
Depending on his upbringing, religious beliefs, and perhaps, life experiences, if an 80-year-old man could get away with behaving sexually, as a 20-year-old male does, then he would. Remember, sperm production, a big reason that males pursue females, does not slow down simply because a man has grown old. The old man simply cannot typically relieve himself as easily as younger men, due to other biological changes that occur with age and interfere with erection and ejaculation. This may be the motivation behind the invention of the little blue pill. But now we’ve strayed a little off topic, so let’s get back to ‘ho’s.
People often overlook the significant role that a good father plays in the life of his daughter. Instead, especially when children reach a certain age, the focus is on the mother-daughter relationship, and father-son. However, when a good father is present in the home, he effortlessly and often, unconsciously teaches his daughter how the man in her adult life should treat her; and until she finds that man, she is often more than content with the love she feels from her father. As a result, she can more easily wait until she’s in her twenties, and yes, believe it or not, but for social pressure, even into her thirties, to have sex for the first time. It is much easier for a male to wear down a female sexually, when her father is either absent from the home, or is a poor example of a father in the home. People often refer to this as a girl with “daddy issues.”
When males go out into the world and “spread their wild oats” or “have fun,” they are typically having their fun and spreading their wild oats, in the form of having sex with women they care nothing about. What they are caring about is the opportunity to relieve themselves of the discomfort of the millions and millions of sperm they produce every day. Again, let’s not be angry with them about this, they are merely doing as much as society allows them to do for their comfort and pleasure. Many of them are completely, unaware of the devastating effect they have on women. Unfortunately, many women are unaware of all this as well, and like the young lady referenced above, fall victim to lies and deceit.
What’s possibly worse, is that many of today’s women have convinced themselves that they too, are only out for “fun.” They have not yet learned that unless they have been severely damaged from multiple disappointments or by force; they cannot be involved in a sexual relationship without becoming attached on some level. That ability is biologically abnormal in females, due to the effect that estrogen has on the love hormone, oxytocin. If you are a male who is the habit of having sex with women you find attractive, but have no real feelings for, then understand that every time you “hit and run,” you make a large contribution towards turning that female into what many refer to as, a ‘ho’.
But what about all those women found in strip clubs? They look happy up there, don’t they? No one is forcing them, right? What about prostitutes who claim to love what they are doing? What about the women at mega parties for the rich or famous?
While it is true that there are always exceptions to the rule, and some of these women may indeed be the exception, you must also realize that the sex trade industry is one of the biggest money makers in the world. It falls second only to the drug industry, and is said to generate multi-billions of dollars every year.
In the sex trade industry, girls under the age of 30 are often tricked, groomed, or coerced into becoming sex workers. Sometimes, they are lured or even snatched from the streets, and forced into having sex an insane number of times per day, to keep up with the demand. Wherever they are found; parties, strip clubs, on the streets, or in a hotel room, these women are often forced to perform sexual favors and present themselves as happy to do so.
Often, in some of the worst cases, outside of “performing” they are kept locked up or even chained in unsanitary conditions; making them more willing to do as they’re told, so that they can have clean clothes or get out of the unsanitary environment in which they’re kept. Knowing the consequences facing them, if you ask them if they like what they are doing, they will most often respond that yes, they do.
Whether you are male or female, when you go to these clubs where the so-called ‘ho’s are; when you watch pornography; when you wittingly pay a prostitute for sex, the likelihood that you are supporting modern-day slavery, and the creation of more unwilling ‘ho’s, is very high.